Friday, June 13
The Legend of Bagger Vance A Depression-era pro golfer struggles to rediscover his game in an exhibition match. Yes, it’s a golf movie. No, Caddyshack is not streaming on Netflix. You’re stuck with this. (2000)American Movie Classics. 8pm.
How to Train Your Dragon The prequel to the box office flop How to Change Your Dragon’s Litterbox. (2010) FX. 8pm.
Little Women: LA The reality TV obsession with dwarfs manifests again in this show about six little women in Los Angeles. It’s like Sex and the City, with booster seats. Lifetime. 10pm.
Saturday, June 14
Sing Your Face Off A winner is named in the celebrities-impersonating-pop-stars competition. We don’t know what the prize is, but the losers get to keep the wigs and makeup. They do not, however, get their dignity back. ABC. 9pm.
Escape Club In this reality series, 20 attractive young people are told they have a chance to "escape" their disappointing humdrum lives and live in a luxurious tropical resort, only to learn that they have to compete to stay there. The winner gets a year at the resort. The losers are packed in boxes, shipped to a cubicle and assigned a mortgage, a chronic health condition and children who will never appreciate what they sacrificed. E! 11pm.
P.S. I Love You A widow finds letters left by her dead husband with messages that include "I love you," "Our tax documents are in the attic," and "Don’t look in my browser cache; that’s somebody else’s porn." (2007) Oxygen. 12:10am.
Sunday, June 15
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows Robert Downey Jr. returns as the master detective who solves mysteries with the powers of deduction, science and that it’s-starting-to-wear-thin Robert Downey Jr. smugness thing. (2011) TNT. 8pm.
Van Helsing Hugh Jackman stars as a vampire hunter who takes on Count Dracula, werewolves and Frankenstein’s monster. You don’t normally see this many frightening soulless creatures in one place unless you’re watching the Sunday morning talk shows. (2004) SyFy. 9pm.
Duck Dynasty It’s a special Father’s Day episode. They comb the chewing tobacco out of their beards and bathe for the occasion. A&E. 10pm.
Monday, June 16
Elysium In a bleak future, the rich live in orbiting paradises with life-saving healthcare for all and the poor are left to struggle and work in a horribly polluted Earth, where they suffer easily curable diseases without access to treatment. It’s a good thing we don’t live in a world like that! (2013) Starz. 9pm.
Priest With man and vampires locked in a centuries-old war, a warrior priest defies the church and leaves the walled city to find the vampires who kidnapped his niece. These are not Twilight vampires. They only thirst for blood, not blood and hair gel. (2011) SyFy. 9pm.
Mike and Molly Sam decides he wants to be a stand-up comic. It’s a tough business, like tightrope-walking over a shark tank where the sharks have flamethrowers and behavior disorders. But it does come with a substance abuse problem and a series of depressing motel rooms in bad neighborhoods. CBS. 9:30pm.
Tuesday, June 17
I Love the 2000s If you "love" the 2000s, you clearly weren’t paying attention. VH1. 9pm.
The People’s Couch A TV show about people watching TV sounds inane, but they’re not just "people;" they are former reality show contestants! If we wanted to watch TV with stupid mean people, we’d visit our in-laws more often. Bravo. 10pm.
The Tonight Show Jimmy Buffet is promoting his Margaritaville.tv "TV station." We haven’t watched it yet, but it appears to be old concert footage and video of Jimmy sailing, drinking, hanging out with bikini babes and basically enjoying the midlife crisis you wish you could afford. NBC. 11:35pm.
Wedneday, June 18
David Beckham: Into the Unknown The soccer legend heads into the Amazon rainforest, discovering the savage beauty of nature, the noble simplicity of the indigenous people and a really effective way of escaping the paparazzi. Showtime. 7:30pm.
A Duggar Leaves Home Daughter Amy follows her musical dreams to Nashville, sparking a savage fight among her 18 siblings for her side of the bed and assigned bathroom time slot. The Learning Channel. 10pm.
Thursday, June 19 Rocky IV An athlete from a working-class background broadens his horizons in a unique cultural exchange program, but has difficulty relating to his assigned partner. (1985) VH1. 7pm.
True Hollywood Story In visits with Reality Ex-Wives, we learn that having your every moment filmed in forced situations that often involve sexually-charged moments with other people who feed your insatiable narcissism, is not always good for your marriage. E! 8pm.
Mountain Monsters A team of hunters and trappers explores the Appalachians searching for evidence of backwoods monster legends like the Wampus, the Devil Dog, Mothman and the Lizard Demon. Evidence, of course, is scant. Meanwhile, the area’s real monsters are either smoking meth and listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd or attending Tea Party rallies. Discovery Channel. 9pm.
Critique That TV Guy at firstname.lastname@example.org.Tags: concert, film, movie, music, tv